Secondhand polyester

I love to shop. Love to shop. For clothing, for shoes, for hats, for accessories – I love it. But here’s the thing. I don’t like to spend money, and going to the mall bums me out. It could be the canned air, or all the people, or the cheaply made merchandise, offered in every size and color for too much money so that for the right price, every girl can look the same this season.

This hat makes the wearer look like an angler fish.

So I do the bulk of my shopping at discount stores, consignment places, tag sales, and Goodwills. I love the hunt, and I love the prices, and I love the fact that I experience no guilt whatsoever after a shopping trip. A trip to the mall will put me in a funk  for a few hours, but a good vintage buying jag? That will put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. The act of buying a 50-year-old hat in good condition for less than $3 gives me chills, even if I hate the hat

Here’s another weird thing. While I love to buy and wear clothing, I hate storing it.  I ruthlessly clear my closet out twice a year.  Haven’t worn it in a year? It’s out of here. Doesn’t fit? Gone. Don’t like it? Well, what the heck is it doing in there anyhow? I can’t stand clutter. I hate it. It hurts my soul. I like to know what’s in my closet.  If it’s packed with things I don’t wear, well then, I won’t be able to find anything.

So I don’t know why this idea didn’t occur to me earlier: I’m goin’ on eBay!

Actually, I already am on eBay.  I sold my first item yesterday, and man was I proud of myself – until I realized that the buyer hasn’t gotten around to paying me. Oh well; it seems like a good idea. It’s the best way to combine my love of vintage clothes with my love of cleaning out the closets and my love of playing dress-up (I am my own model, which has been pretty ridiculous because I have no pride).

Barbra Streisand rocked something like this in Funny Girl, but I ain't no Barbra.

And – while I’m not expecting to make millions here (or even hundreds) – if I make a few dollars,I’ve justified my shopping sprees. It could work. And if it doesn’t, no sweat. I like everything that I buy, and I will totally wear it.

Well, everything except the hat at the left. It’s hideous.

This brings me to my next point. The hardest thing has been writing the descriptions so that items will sell. The descriptors my brain assigns to most images aren’t exactly a marketer’s dream.

Because I've always wanted a bow like that at the base of my cranium.

I can’t very well list the hat pictured at the top of this post as “1950s angler fish hat.” Or the bow on the back of this hat as a “1980s prom bomb butt bow for your head.”

Actually, I may not be suited to this line of work. At any rate, writing the descriptions may seem like a cakewalk once I have to figure out how to ship something. In the meantime, I will be striking ridiculous poses in secondhand polyester.